10/3/08

All of a sudden, I am happy to be a red-head. We will be extinct by 2050 ... be glad you know one!

Immortal Beloved is a beautiful movie. With only a glass of white zinn, I watched it for the first time this evening and thoroughly enjoyed it. People don't feel things like the used to it seems - love is just "something that happens" instead of two souls bound, two matching minds, from the beginning.

Here's the latest on the major change, from the most indecisive of them all. BA Music, BA Economics (and if I can squeeze in a minor in Political Science, I'll be thrilled!). Not being a music major is not an option. It didn't take long to figure that out - one month of feeling out of the loop and I felt dead. I am a music person who happens to be interested in business; that music department is my family, even if they don't know it.

POLITICS OMG. Without getting too personal, what the heck is going on? I don't know exactly how I feel about the Rescue(BAILOUT)Plan, other than it sets a frightening precedent that goes against most everything our free-market, capitalist, meritocratic system has stood for. As for the candidates, they're a rather entertaining bunch.

I feel inspired to become more active in the political sphere. Maybe being an elected official would be fun, but maybe being an advisor would be a safer route. But man oh man, things need to change and people need to get it together. I would jump at the opportunity to be part of that when I'm a little older and a bit wiser.

Let's see ... work is good, school is fine, I'm bad at French, miss my dog, and probably should sleep more. No complaints.

Time to go to sleep and listen to my new Jeff Buckley CD. More cohesive thoughts later.

life in general at 3:14 AM

You know those goofy people that write what they have to say, but don't say who it's to? I'm one of them. I have random ideas at this time of day. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Even though your major is ridiculous, you are the bestest friend in the whole entire world. I wish you were here, or that we could just drive around and listen to our favorite music and be happy and talk about how awesome things in general are. Hopefully we won't be so far away next year. I miss you SO much!

You guys are pretty cool. Yes, it's true that we have our different beliefs (to say the least), but our relationship is special, unique, and rare. Though it hasn't been easy, I know that distance has made us closer. I can't tell you all how much it means that we can still talk about things, even if it's just general "stuff" now. You all have been the standard of awesome in my life, and that certainly isn't going to change! If only if only.

I don't know who I'm going for, but I think I know who's going to win. I want a law degree pronto so I can go be part of the movers and the shakers in DC. I know we can DO BETTER.

It'd be nice to see you every now and then, but I know you've got better things to do than see me. I'm not being sarcastic, I just hope you're content. So sorry to bother you on Mondays.

I am happy I am happy I am happy I am happy as a business major. Am I saying it for everyone to hear? Do I know what I'm getting in to? Does anyone in that building actually care? So many people have come and gone, I am just a check, a ten-minute meeting, a signature, and a goodbye. Nothing more, nothing less.

I do not have a clue as to what will happen in the next twelve months. If all goes according to plan, I will continue breathing. That is all I know for certain. But that's a start, right?



Time for bed. Enjoy the rambles.

"If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies. The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, And cries to the moon, if only, if only.”

<3

There is one thing I want in this world:

(Ok ok, I take it back. But if I had to want only one thing, this would be it.)

Opera Love.

The kind of love Wagner and Puccini wrote about. Where it is love at first sight, forbidden and secret but still pure and beautiful. No talking about oneself, just simply swooning for each other and promising eternal happiness. Armies, oceans, and time are not enough to keep two people apart. Glorious arias and magnificent monologues professing this feeling are a part of every day - one is never alone.

Ladies wear glamorous dresses, massive skirts with a tiny waist, whereas the men are dressed in classic suits and rich fabrics. (Always a handkerchief for the lady!) There are no cell phones with text messaging to mess it up, no playing hard to get. No cars and awkward dinners, only carriages and candle-lit meals in a grand dining room. Though not everyone approves, it doesn't matter what this foolish world thinks of this love!


Oh, wouldn't it be nice.

Nicknames, etc.

Yep, it stuck.

Thanks to the cool kids in to Mellophone section, I am now "Ray-Ray" to students at Northwestern. Who knows how it happened, and I don't know exactly how I feel about it yet. Even though it's rather goofy, it's nice to know there's something special there. Band camp is over - this season is going to be amazing!

Also, I now have three fish! The small spotted orange one is Gus. There's a silver one with black trim and a golden one with spots that don't have names yet. Something good will come to me later I suppose.

More veggies less carbs.

Gone For Good

Untie me, I've said no vows.

Yes, it's true. I am changing my major to Business, with a concentration in either Finance or Marketing. I am no longer a Music Ed major.

Here are my reasons:

Job Security. A BME is great if you want to teach music, but does not transfer well to other sectors. I never want to be begging for work, and I want to set myself up for success. A business major will be an asset no matter where I land.

$. (Does this really need an explanation?)

I've been working with a local marching band, and I know I could not teach high school band for an extended period. I'm sure I could if I absolutely had to... but I don't have to. So I'm not going to. The kids are outstanding, it is a great experience, and the school has the "perfect" program, but it's just not meshing like it should. I'm certainly not all about me some band right now.

I truly believe I can be just as happy being a businesswoman - rocking a power suit. (I blame my mom for this one!) But in all seriousness, I love talking with people, I love presenting my ideas, I love working through problems and organizing my time. This is a change a feel confident in. There's a million different directions my life could go from there, and I cannot wait.

Life will go on. It's nice to think someone in CMUS might care for five minutes, and then I'll just be one of those people that woulda coulda shoulda. But how many kids walk in and turn around? At the end of the day, no one cares aboutchya. It was a good first year, but that's about all I want to deal with.

Current goal: celebrate my 24th birthday in New York City, with an awesome job and a busy life.
And I'm going to make it happen; this is Step One.

Treasures of Highway 21

I am pretty excited right now, especially since it is exactly midnight as I start this. My current living arrangement is pretty sah-weet.

Upon further review of my closet situation, I decided to bring a new chest of drawers into my life. A dangerous move, perhaps it's too soon, but I was willing to take the plunge.

On my commute home on Highway 21 (a backroad in South Carolina ... who would'a thought?), I pass by a little shop called Bits and Pieces Used Furniture. It's always seemed a little sketch, but I thought I might be able to find a deal. Little did I know!

I went in and a big guy helped me around the old rockers, desks, shelves, and scattered lamps. Even though they were all a little bit tired, they all had their own stories - most originating pre-1980. Nerdy, but cool. Very Brave Little Toaster-esque.

I saw this chest and fell head over heels. I don't know what kind of wood it is - maybe cherry? - but it is gorgeous. Definitely hand-made, the guy said it was at least 50 years old. Just think of its story! And yes, it was rather dirty, but a little lovin' with some Old English and it was back. I got some Cedar planks this afternoon to keep out the critters and some drawer liner to keep my clothes sqeeky clean, and I'll move it to the closet in the morning after it has a chance to breathe for a night.

When I was cleaning it, I found some turquoise glitter in the bottom drawer. The memory of a girl's dance costume, of course. Her dad made it for his little girl's 8th birthday. I wonder where they are today.

Hopefully it likes its new home - I'll give it another story.

ch-changes

Ok ok, it's been a while. Not that anyone reads this, but it's nice to take the thoughts out of my brain and put them into cyberspace for the entire human population to access and judge me accordingly. Comforting, truly.

My trip to Seattle was "interesting," to say the least. All of my expectations were completely wrong! (I take that back. The family drama was hardly unpredictable, har har har.) The people and places I thought I had a deep, lifelong connection with proved to be distant and changed; relationships with the most random were temporarily made to pass the time. Life is so dramatically different, yet tragically identical.

We're all at that age where stuff actually starts to matter. Bills have to be paid, jobs become a priority, and the network of people to keep us afloat is vital. The hard part is figuring out where all those things stack up against each other.

I think it'd be easier to stuff my head in a book for the next ten years and have an awesome career. I haven't decided if I want to get married, let alone have kids. Sure, it's like ten years away, but it's still kind of a big deal. I should probably DATE. But I don't wanna, no ma'am.

Blah blah blah, back to the topic. I'm changing. Sorta. "Times change, people don't," said Susan Tullar. Right-o. I had a slapintheface the other day when I was with a handfull of people. I was so not happy, but I kept going back to that 7th grade feeling: they are normal, I need to be like them. Force it. Make it work. Suck in your stomach and smile, pretend to be having a ball even though you have NO CLUE why you are still here.

I'm done pretending. Finished! I'm not normal. I don't watch a lot of TV. I don't work out and don't wear size 2. I don't go to church, but I'm pretty grounded in my beliefs. I have huge dreams that I'm almost ashamed of. I'm in the band, but I don't think I'm a "band geek." I like economics. I love to wear high heels, but won't dress up to go to the movies. I have a hiccup and hideous feet. I'm not happy with how I look, but you might not believe me because I was trained to sit up straight. If you can't say it out loud or look me in the eye, it's not worth saying or listening to. I never want to be dependent on anyone else for as long as I live, but that doesn't mean I want to be alone. I really really really like smart people who can question the world and have their own ideas, who aren't afraid to speak up. My family truly does mean the world to me, and every one of them is probably a hundred times cooler than all my friends.

I want to "fit in," but I have yet to find people that I really want to fit in with.

Facebook will probably be gone next week. Bookmark this page or something, I'll keep you updated. Because srsly, I need to get a life.

Love ya bye!